Hey guys I'm Patrick, Psychology Student, 19. You're awesome.

 

basedpidgeot:

gf: babe come over

me (a lawnmower) : no i cant im cutting the grass and you live in the sky

gf: my parents are out

me: image

larrys27tattoos:

whatisonyobiscuit:

starrysleeper:

tribblesexual-jotunn:

thelilnan:

I am really bothered by the fact that basically the only reason why gay marriage is illegal is because some people think it’s disgusting. You know, I think peas are disgusting but we’re noT MAKING THAT ILLEGAL ARE WE 

what’s wrong with you peas are delicious

gay people are delicious too

no dessert for you until you eat all your gays 

what the fuck just happened here

be quiet and eat your gays

(Source: livingsjustawasteofdeath)

whoredinarygirl:

when my mom was pregnant with me my sister decided she didn’t want another sibling so one day she took my brother’s toy cars and lined them by my mom’s room’s doorway and tried making my mom fall on her stomach
my sister tried killing me in the womb

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

tsarbucks:

This is it. This is truly the most horrifying image humanity has ever created. This is the downfall of all that we have ever known, all of our hopes and dreams, our very way of life.

tsarbucks:

This is it. This is truly the most horrifying image humanity has ever created. This is the downfall of all that we have ever known, all of our hopes and dreams, our very way of life.

(Source: brerrabblt)

groovyviewbie:

flightlessbird-americananchor:

saucegay-uchyeehaw:

crosspin:

seblaine:

circletines:

IF YOU SAY THE WORD BATTERIES REALLY FAST IT SOUNDS LIKE YOURE SAYING “PARIS” IN A FRENCH ACCENT

WORD OF WARNING THIS ONLY WORKS IF YOU HAVE AN AMERICAN ACCENT IF NOT YOU WILL JUST SIT IN YOUR ROOM LIKE A KNOB SAYING BATTERIES

what in god’s name is a knob

cause

image

what is going on in this post

image

Funnily enough the banana is an accurate representation of a knob 

(Source: stephenhawqueen)